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10 Years of Blogging

Believe it or not, it’s been 10 years since I started blogging. I started this blog in 2012 at the advice of my colleague and because I was at such a low point in my life and needed some place to vent out my feelings. I had never planned to do it long-term nor did I know I had it in me to continue this for so long.

This has become a passion now. No matter how busy I am, I always find a way to write a blog post and publish it. What a joy to read my earlier posts and look back through the eyes of my younger self. They say a picture paints a thousand words, but a thousand words can take your emotions and feelings to a different time and place.

What a journey life has been in the last 10 years. I started blogging when I was single and worried. Worried if I’d ever get married. I had lost all hope. But now, not only am I married but I’m also a mother to beautiful children. In life, God has fulfilled two of my deepest desires. Happy to blog from a better situation.

These 10 years have changed my understanding of the world, my understanding of people, and has taught me how God has been the only One having my back all these years. I am really indebted to God for where I am at now. He has been the lifter up of my head.

I do believe writing is a gift. One whose value cannot be expressed in words. I would encourage everyone to write something, to leave behind something useful for the upcoming generation. Afterall we are here to pass on the mantle to our future generations. Leaving them with knowledge is wealth. Many say they will write and leave something behind for their kids, but very rarely have I come across someone who has kept their words. They are busy or lazy and by the time they think about doing something, their kids are already grown up and leaving the nest. Life goes by very fast. Before we know it, it’s time for us to leave our earthly life.

If you plan to write you have to do it now. Even a paragraph per day is a good start. But let your kids have something to go back to and read and experience the world through different eyes. They will enjoy it. I’ve done a lot of blog posts on writing and have also shared a lot of tips on how to write well, so I don’t want to make this post repetitive and boring.

To make this post different I want to share one of the best topics I’ve written on and one the of the worst things I’ve had to write about. So the best thing I’ve ever written about so far on my blog has been about holidays and trips I’ve made. Those have been the best posts to go back to and reminiscence on. They literally feel like I’m reliving the entire journey. The worst thing I’ve had to write about is something all who follow my blog will know about without a doubt. It’s the deep, dark and desperate life I lived throughout my childhood, teenage and early adult years, while I was raised by the claws of an evil narcissist. I had physical parents but mentally, emotionally and physically I was an orphan. It has taken a huge toll on me to come to terms with my past. But writing has helped ease my pain. Just to have my story out in the open and to have everyone know the truth was therapeutic.

I must vouch for how writing helps heal. It helped me heal, overcome, put so many things behind me. It was a channel for me to vent my frustrations, which would have made me collapse had I bottled it inside. So if any of you are going through a difficult time, I encourage to write. It truly helps ease your inner being.

So I finish this blog thanking God for His mercies and His faithfulness. I would be nowhere today without his help. Today I am somewhere and God is solely responsible. Leaving you with another favourite verse from the Bible which has been so true in my life. Stay blessed!

Psalm 27:9,10 KJV

Hide not thy face far from me; put not thy servant away in anger: thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation.

When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.

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Thank you, Daddy! Letters to Daddy – 4

Today we are enjoying the fruits of your labour. We miss you. Your home is void without you. Miss hearing your sound that always said “enna dee” as soon as your eyes met mine. My heart will always long to hear it again. Although you are not around to watch your grandkids enjoy the jackfruit from your home, I’m sure you’ll look down from heaven and smile contently. Can’t believe how fast times have changed. Once upon a time it was you, me and Bruno who filled the home with love and laughter. Today neither you nor Bruno are there. There’s a sadness that cannot be expressed. Now it’s the noise of my kids that filled your home and yet it couldn’t make up for my longing to have you there again. Hope you’re peaceful daddy. Love and miss you tonnes.

Jackfruit from my father’s home.
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The Truth Triumphs

It’s amazing how the truth always prevails. It may take decades, and an entire generation may pass before timid truth peeps through the dark clouds with its bright beams, shedding light on every detail.

After ages, maybe even 4 to 5 years, I got a chance to talk peacefully with an aunt whom I knew since my childhood days. As our conversation progressed we eventually ended up discussing matters related to my mother. She knows my story and she’s not surprised since she knew my mom’s family in her own childhood days. However, she is still trying to wrap her head around how a mother can try so hard to harm her own daughter. She says it’s beyond her understanding.

While discussing these things, she mentioned how when I was a child and both our families spent time together, my mother always spoke evil of my paternal grandparents. My aunt said she had interpreted my dad’s family as evil from her description of them. I had to clarify and let her know that my paternal grandparents some of the best folks who walked the earth. My aunt also mentioned how my mother spoke very cheaply of my paternal aunt, that she came from another caste and so she was many levels lower than her. I had to once again tell her what a wonderful aunt I have. She has always been a loving support in my journey of life.

Then my aunt asked me how well my mom’s family has been taking care of my mother. I told her they’ve vanished, they’re nowhere to be seen. Over the span of a year, they visited her once. She was shocked! Then she said till your dad was in Dubai they enjoyed all the goodies he got them, they all used to go draped in similar sarees from Dubai. I said yes, my dad not only got them clothes and edibles but also paid off my thatha’s debts, funded weddings and kids’ education all fuelled by my mother. Sadly when the golden hen had no more golden eggs to lay, he was kicked off and discarded. Very very few have actually honoured his sacrifices. Hardly one or two of the whole bunch. Now they’re all gone. My mother is fending for herself. For loving them a million times more than me and my father, they have rewarded her with loneliness and hopelessness.

It’s been a decade since my grandparents passed away. It’s 2.5 years since dad passed away and people are still discovering the truth about how sweet and loving my dad’s family was. The truth cannot be concealed. Lies will only last a while. Who is evil now? Who is cheap now? The world knows that it’s my mother and her family.

Before one speaks ill about another, before they propagate a lie, they have to remember that even the walls have ears and the wind whispers secrets. Eventually the truth will surface and the liar will stand ashamed. I have experienced this so many times with my mother and with her family. They would lie so craftily and finally get nabbed in an embarrassing manner.

Four years ago on my visit to Chennai in 2018, I realized that my name was no longer included in our Government Family Card, despite my dad’s home address being my permanent address. When I confronted my parents, my dad stayed quiet. My mother came forward to lie. She told me that despite including my name in the smart card application, the government officials missed to include it. I asked them why they didn’t request for correction and reinclude my name, for which she said dad is not feeling that great and couldn’t make the effort. I actually believed this.

Fast forward to 2022, I log into the Family Card website and lo and behold, my name is nowhere to be seen and has been completely removed. When I asked my mother why my name was purposely removed, she threw the blame on my dad saying it was his idea. I immediately stopped her and told her, “You’re the only poison that existed in our home. Every cell of yours was designed for evil. Daddy surely had nothing to do with it. Since 2010 he was a puppet whose strings were in your control. So you are the one who is responsible you evil shrew. You will rot in the worst part of hell for all your evil deeds.” There was no response. She knows I know who and what she is. Yet she calls me 20 times every day to see if she can use her charm on me like how she did with my dad. It doesn’t work. This one point makes her fume. She hates the fact that I am a replica of my paternal grandma and nothing but the truth will move me.

I may have discovered the truth very late but it did overflow eventually. It always does. Maybe God has designed the world this way. My paternal families’ good deeds and legacy live on, while my maternal families evil deeds and intentions have caught up with them. The world today knows the truth with full clarity and the fact that truth has triumphed is all that matters to me!

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Childhood Incidents – 3

We flew frequently, every year infact. I remember this one scene so clearly. We were seated in the aircraft. My dad to the left, my mom in the middle and I was on the right. We had just finished our in-flight meal. My mother started loading all the stainless steel cutlery into her handbag. When my dad asked her to stop and expressed his displeasure she simply ignored him and continued what she was doing. As a child, I actually thought that it was okay to do these things.

Later on the airlines became very strict with these things and any stealing meant getting caught. So my dad would warn my mom before we travelled not to do any such nonsense and get caught. That’s when she stopped flicking stuff. I am ashamed to have been born to such a shameless scoundrel. Thank God I didn’t turn out like her!

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This Wretched Day

On this wretched day, 39 years ago my father held the serpent’s hand for the first time and married her. Little did he know that she would wreck his life, his family and the life of his child. He went from a beautiful, educated and cherishable family into a mob of uneducated, uncultured and unethical village junk. No wonder my paternal grandma had something against her and her family all the days of her life. And rightfully so, she lost her son to a beast and her grandchild was mesmerised to believe she was wicked. Which grandmother wouldn’t feel hurt? When I was overwhelmed in my late 20s I remember asking my grandpa, “Why on earth did you go pick this garbage from the village, was there a shortage of women in the city?” They could only smile, maybe in happiness that I didn’t turn out to be like her.

I’ve heard stories of how my dad rejected many alliances on the basis of appearance. Finally he ended up with a serpent whom he had never met even once. He fell for her and she ruined every moment of his life. He was passive and he wasted 37 years of his precious life tolerating her and forcing himself to believe she loved him. He neither stood up for himself nor for his daughter and allowed the serpent to enjoy the life of a queen while she wrecked havoc among us.

My advice, please be careful whom you marry. Appearances do matter but not so much. If only my dad had married one of the other women, the child that was born may have had a happy, cheerful and loving home and my dad a happy ending. Often too much importance is given to things that don’t matter at all. Are arranged marriages good? Yes, sometimes, depending on how smart parents are in choosing an alliance. The one who is getting married can’t be passive, they need to dig and dig deep. They’ve to watch out for all those red-flags of love-bombing, gaslighting, future faking, their natural behaviour and their interpretation of others.

The serpent always had something evil to say about everyone. She revelled at putting others down. That was a huge sign. My dad definitely didn’t miss any of those signs, he just chose to be blind to it. The serpent lied countless times to me and I’ve taken it to my dad. Wouldn’t she have done the same with him for 37 years? Any sane human should have seen her mask drop in a year or two, not more. Yet he chose to believe the opposite of who she really was. Doing so he shattered my life in pieces.

I’m glad I inherited my paternal grandmother’s instincts and stood up against all evil behaviours and called the serpent out on those. Therefore, here I am today, strong and building a sane family.

Marriage is a huge deal. One never senses it in the days of their youth. But many have married in haste and repented at leisure. My dad wanted nothing to do with marriage and ended up with a narcissist because he had delayed too much and his choices were limited. Then everything was rushed and no one knew what they were getting into. Finally no one figured it out until I did after my dad died and I broke the pattern. Never ever take marriage lightly. It could break your future and the future of the ones you will bring into the world. Make a wise decision always. Above all, be tuned into God’s heart. The instructions in the Bible are so clear and can guide any man onto the right path. Clearly my dad did not discern things ahead of time nor did he stand up for himself later on.

Psalm 1:1-3 KJV

1. Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.

2. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.

3. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

The above is an excerpt from the Bible. If my dad had followed this, he may have saved his own life. Instead he heeded the counsel of the wicked and ungodly and the serpent ended up murdering him.

Sometimes mistakes happen. It’s never too late. You can still come out of abusive relationships, even if you’re married. There is no need to tolerate any form of abuse. Abuse only destroys lives, your own and your loved ones. It ripped my dad’s entire family apart. Please stand up and support victims and help them recover. And if you’re a victim please seek needed help and support. May the good Lord lead all of us on the right path to everlasting life. Amen!