Insatiable

This whole concept of “together forever” and “happily ever after” might be the biggest bullshit the world has ever conjured. Let me tell you something, some of the worst days of your life will be when you are the loneliest. No one will ever be by your side 24×7, not even mentally and emotionally. Many battles in life are waged alone. Probably the only friend who is always going to hang around is God. We always expect. I have always expected, that so and so was going to be around, was never going to let me down, was going to show me gratitude. But time and again I’ve been proved wrong. I’ve fought my battles alone. The truth is, sometimes, when those who have given birth to you don’t care about you, your fate is sealed. You’re wasting your time waiting for and expecting others to understand your core being. Humans are limited. The only love close to God’s selfless love is a mother’s, but when that has not been given to you, rest assured you’re an orphan till you hit the grave. Everyone is putting up with you with an inner motive. Some motives are selfish and self-centred while some are for mutual gain. The more your heart gets broken, the more your heart learns to be stronger, to be independent, to depend less on others and to rely solely on God for strength, help and companionship. As a woman, it is so important to look upto God, to keep yourself embedded in Him. The more you look up to Him, the more satiated you will feel.

The world will never look at you with gratitude, for it will be ever ready to point at the flaws they see within you. You could pour out your soul to do the best possible for everyone, yet you will be deemed the worst. Gratitude and appreciation are expensive personalities that we cannot expect from cheap people. But God appreciates our efforts, our sacrifices and sees our daily struggles. Therefore do not let human attitudes discourage you. Every man reaps what he sows in God’s timing. We must only do what’s right and move ahead, God blesses the rest with his best. Read the below excerpt from the Bible to know that you are never alone in your battles. Many have already walked and still many more are yet to walk your path. Take heart!

Psalm 41:5-12 KJV

Mine enemies speak evil of me, When shall he die, and his name perish? And if he come to see me, he speaketh vanity: his heart gathereth iniquity to itself; when he goeth abroad, he telleth it. All that hate me whisper together against me: against me do they devise my hurt. An evil disease, say they, cleaveth fast unto him: and now that he lieth he shall rise up no more. Yea, mine own familiar friend, in whom I trusted, which did eat of my bread, hath lifted up his heel against me. But thou, O LORD, be merciful unto me, and raise me up, that I may requite them. By this I know that thou favourest me, because mine enemy doth not triumph over me. And as for me, thou upholdest me in mine integrity, and settest me before thy face for ever.

This is an excerpt from the Bible. If anyone asks me who my favourite personality from the Bible is, it’s David. A man like me, passionate, flawed, forgotten, abandoned, falsely hated, feared, forsaken, empathetic, God fearing, the list of similarities is endless. In the above passage he states his extreme disappointment and rightfully so. If it had been his enemy that had hurt him it would have been easy for him to move ahead but it was his very loved friend, someone he trusted, someone he dined with, someone he relied on, someone from whom he hoped for mutual reciprocation of affection. I don’t think there would be any other man in the Bible who took his friendships so seriously. He loved Jonathan beyond himself and that friendship extended to the next generation. So we can understand why a close friend betraying him caused him so much agony. I’ve seen myself at this juncture so so many times because I’ve taken all my relationships very seriously.

At the end of the passage David turns to God for justice and salvation. He realizes that in the end it’s always going to be God and him and that God would never forsake him, that he’s got his back. In the Bible there are numerous other places where it teaches us never to trust in humans, not even the ones right beside us. There could not have been a wiser lesson. May we all learn to rely solely on the faithful one and stop flaunting about people because they are only a facade. One day when that facade comes crashing down, you will be devastated. Always remember human beings are insatiable. It’s better to lean on the eternal pillar, our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

The Prosperity Gospel – An Obscure Blur

Child like faith was easy. When I was a child I believed on the Almighty easily, I prayed in faith and I always received an affirmative answer for whatever I prayed for. The relationship then was simple. God was my father, I could ask Him anything I had need of and I had faith that He would do it for me.

I grew up and everything took a turn for the worse. Every western preacher I saw on TV was preaching that God was there to fulfill all our needs and that as His children we never had to face any lack. Those preachers themselves were filthy rich, driving the most expensive cars, flying in private jets and living in mansions. I came from a broken home where I had no firm spiritual foundation laid. My mother was a demigod or so she believed of herself. The rest of us were the worst sinners alive, there was no room for love. God was a tyrant and the devil was residing inside us.

My thoughts on God were so messed up. I have no idea what I believed in. For a few years in my early twenties I refused to have anything to do with Christians and the Bible because of the vast number of hypocrites I encountered within the church. After that I realized that I needed to look at Christ and not at Christians. So once again I got back into the Bible.

Fast forward to my thirties and there was so much condemnation of prosperity preachers and rightly so. Ministry was all about wealth and nothing else and at times it did anger me. But it also left me confused. Where do we draw the line between need and greed? Is asking for healing a selfish prayer? When there’s a financial deficit should we just bear it if we are true Christians? So many questions haunted me. The entire picture of a father-daughter relationship became tainted.

I am definitely against flamboyance in Christian ministry. But I’m not at all in agreement with those preachers who make following Christ sound like a walk to the slaughter house. Both types take Christianity to two extremes which is heartbreaking. Just because I follow Christ doesn’t mean I’ve to stop living my life on earth and think only of heavenly matters. If so, then why did God leave so many instructions in the Bible for this earthly life? Some preachers even go on to say that we must pray for God’s will during times of sicknesses and not for healing alone. However, nowhere in the Bible does it say ask for heavenly things while being earthly unwell. All throughout the Bible many have pleaded at the feet of God for their earthly needs. Hannah, King David, Joseph, Esther are just a few of them who have done so.

My mother always ignored her earthly duties by using God’s name in vain. She still believes she’s on her way to heaven. But it is the Lord who has assigned to us our earthly duties, which we have to do faithfully till our time here is done. He never asked us to forsake our earthly responsibilities and always think about Him. Also he never said follow me and I’ll make you rich, wealthy and famous. His words were “Store up for yourselves treasures in heaven where moth and rust do not corrupt.” That means every single deed of ours is taken into account. We are not here to amass great wealth but we can surely put forth our needs as petitions before our Maker. It’s the motive that counts.

How free does one feel with their father? I remember any time I needed something from my father I had to go through my mother and she hardly conveyed my needs across. In prayer life some folks often get stuck in a similar pattern. They often feel inferior to preachers and so called prayer warriors. They feel they can reach God only through them. But that’s far from true. A true relationship is one where the communication is direct and one to one. It cannot be directed through a medium. Any communication that goes through a medium is not genuine and sincere. So it’s best to keep a check on how we’re approaching God and to beware of regarding certain humans too highly in our journey with God.

I do pray and hope that a lot of preachers who portray the right picture of a parent- child relationship between God and us, will rise up. This is the need of the hour. Preachers who bring clarity not confusion, comfort not chaos, who preach the Bible not blabber. May they be true to God’s calling and sincere in serving the Lord faithfully and fervently with no worldly motives.

3 Apps every Christian should have on their Android devices

There are countless times that I’ve been fed up of the dopamine rush associated with mindless and endless scrolling on social media apps. They entangle me in a loop. I go online for a single work that may take me 5 minutes but I end up spending 50 minutes instead. I’ve often wanted to get rid of my phone altogether, but others like me can relate to the fact that certain official connections on these platforms keep me going, leaving me glued to the very thing I detest – my phone.

Luckily, I had a very basic, old smartphone which I setup. Around a month and a half back I quit YouTube for good. I switched to podcasts, they’re so much better to listen to. So the first app I got installed on my old phone was Podcast Addict. Then, I also had an Internet Radio installed. These two were my go to for relaxing. I was using the phone but I wasn’t staring into it, nor was I glued to it. At nights I tried my best to keep my regular phone out of the bedroom while my old phone stayed with me. Later, I installed some Christian apps. Let’s look at the 3 apps that helped me in my daily walk with God.

1. King James Bible app – I wanted a Bible installed on my phone so I installed the King James Bible app which is an offline KJV Bible and devotion app. I don’t use the devotion from this app, but the Bible is one of the best I’ve come across. You can listen to the audio version offline if you have space to download the file. What I liked best about this app is that every time I complete a chapter I can mark it as read. This helps me keep track of my reading progress and the app automatically displays what percentage of each book I have finished reading. My rating for this app – 4/5.

2. Daily Prayer app – Off late praying is a challenge! I have kids yelling all the time. My day starts with chaos and ends with it. I hardly get time to sit down with any book. I always used to have an early morning routine of reading the Bible and praying. This was a family habit from 2 generations ago. For more than a year this habit has been dead. I tried in vain to resurrect it. This app is a game changer. I’m so thankful to have my prayer life back up and running. This app has 4 prayer sessions per day and each session specifies which sections of scripture are to be read. They are neither too long nor too short and eradicate the dilemma of deciding which part of the Bible to read. Before, I used to wonder what I should read and finally never read anything. These days I make sure I finish all the prayer sessions. Bible reading is easy as I simply follow the app’s reading plan. It’s a mixture of the old testament, the new testament with daily reading of the psalms. Simply perfect! Although the prayers are adapted from the Anglican prayer book, they definitely draw me closer to God. This is a no nonsense app. My rating for this app – 5/5.

3. PrayerMate app – Okay so now I’m doing the common prayers, but what about personal prayers? What about the prayer requests from my friends and relatives? That’s where PrayerMate has helped immensely. Whoever came up with the idea for this app is a genius! I would sit down to pray sometimes and I’d have so many things to pray about that I’d forget half the stuff or I’d be sitting too long to pray and eventually lose focus. This app is amazing. I can input all my prayer points in an organised way. The best part is I can set how many points I’d like to pray for in each session and the app will randomize the prayer points. I can decide which prayer points need to be prioritized to be displayed at every prayer session. This app has really helped me cover all my prayer points each day without extending my prayer time beyond feasibility. This app does not mandate creating an account or signing in which is a bonus. My rating for this app – 4/5.

I praise God for the smart, innovative people who have come up with such brilliant ideas to put technology to good use. For the first time in so many years I’ve found something worthwhile to do on my smartphone. I hope this post helps others who wish to be productive with their time and dedicate it to our Lord God almighty. I truly believe that in these days, Satan is working full fledged to steal our time and keep our focus off God. The rise of multiple social media platforms and advertisements are a vital sign that our precious time is being sought after vehemently by the evil one. Let us strive to spend every moment of ours in a positive and productive manner as we await the return of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. May God bless you all. If you find any of the above apps useful, please spread the word among family and friends. Let’s rise up together as an army for our Lord God. Our battles are never won using swords and pitchforks but by the Word of God and through prayer. Amen!

Beauty from the inside out – God’s design!

I’ve been looking at myself in the mirror lately and I realize I’ve put on a lot of weight, I’ve got loads of grey strands, my stomach is a permanent bulge with all the bloating, my umbilical hernia pops out, my body has loads of stretch marks and looks floppy, my lower abdomen is completely messed up on the inside. My body is a shapeless pumpkin. I can’t deny feeling weird looking at this body of mine. I take myself back to the times I remember, of looking at myself in the mirror and actually liking what I saw. I used to admire myself back then. This must have been about 10 years ago.

With all this in mind, I went to my husband and asked him, “Look at me, I’m a shapeless, puffed up pillow, how do you still love me?” His answer was simple, “I keep looking at the place I’ve always looked at, your heart.” How sweet is that? It may seem like a simple answer and yet it’s so profound. That got me thinking, his answer actually sums up everything we know about true love. All the people we love so dearly are not the ones who have the best looks but the ones who have a beautiful heart, the ones who have sacrificed a little bit of themselves every time they’ve stepped out of their way to help build us up. If you have a person with a beautiful heart, it’s the most priceless possession you can have on this earthly journey.

Looks are often deceptive and beauty is only skin deep. Words are meaningless unless actions follow suit. I’ve seen some people chase outer beauty and lose out on inner grace. It takes a while for us to recognise the inner beauty some people have hidden within. We can’t identify it overnight. But the relationships that are founded on this are solid and can’t be shaken easily.

One of my favourite verses from the Bible has always been 1 Samuel 16:7.

God’s never out there looking for some good looking chap or lady to have a relationship with or to do His ministry. He’s looking deep down into the heart. This heavenly love is the prototype by which every human love must operate. But why? Why can’t He just pick someone good looking? Look at what the Bible says in Mark 7:20-23.

The heart matters to God. Unless God looks at the heart, He cannot identify those whose words and actions line up with their intentions. God doesn’t entertain hypocrisy but He loves a sincere, genuine heart. In a world where people can easily honey coat words and backstab others, looks and words mean nothing. This is why it’s so important as Christians to always be led by God when it comes to building relationships.

I find it reassuring that God’s looking at my heart and not at the plumpy person I am. It makes me feel secure and safe. My looks and words may change and no one will ever know the truth, but if my heart does, God’s tuned in and knows instantly. That’s why I always say, humans can cheat other humans but they can’t cheat God.

So in a world that’s driven by social media, that’s praising outer beauty, that’s using filters to hide flaws, that’s satisfied with shallowness, may there be people who realize that external beauty is fleeting, that eternal charm flows from the inside, that even when others are not watching God sees it all. May there never be a deficit of people who fall in love with the heart, for this is God’s very design for love.

Where was the revelation?

Today I was randomly thinking about the massive number of Christian preachers who prayed over our family. And yet not one of them could identify or “reveal” to us that my biological egg donor was the devil herself. All these so called preachers who claimed to have direct visitations from God, who flaunted their multiple miracle stories, somehow did not have any revelation from God when it came to our family.

Over the years, I’ve always doubted these preachers. Especially the ones who prophecy and claim they have divine insight into situations. I’ve never seen anyone’s prophecy come to pass, nor have I heard anyone reveal deeply buried truths. Sadly not even my favourite preacher, who had prayed over us several times. Mind you, these people couldn’t even heal me, because that’s what they came for! If indeed they were blessed with heavenly insight they would have at once revealed to us that my dad had married a devil and they would at least have attempted to get the evil spirit out of her. In my childhood I often lived in fear, because this woman kept saying everything was wrong with me and when any preacher prayed over me I thought they’d reveal the same infront of a crowd and I’d have to hang my head down low. That never happened! I realized that these preachers don’t have any revelation from God, they’re all man made. They most likely say what they feel like and if they get it right then someone’s given them background information ahead of time.

I love my current church Pastor, simply because he is a no nonsense, out of the Bible, kind of preacher. He doesn’t do all these fancy revelations, healings and prophecies and he is very strict in expecting his church to obey the word of God. He walks with integrity. How many of us can boldly say that about our Pastors? I’ve seen plenty over the years and I’ve not seen anyone like him yet. He is also very approachable. If you need prayer He will pray for you, not ask you a million questions in advance or criticize you of your shortcomings so that he can glorify his postion, as some of them have done with me. In that way I’m really lucky to be a part of this church and I’m glad that my children are being raised there. Because I know that living examples are the best teachers.

But my worry is over the last 38 years, the lost time, the lost emotions and the lost relationships. That’s a big chunk gone for me and no Christian mega preacher had the capacity to reveal her flaw or save us. I wonder how many people lose their years this way despite being a Bible following Christian? I’m sure there are countless disappointments like mine. Sadly no one has an answer.

Another major question that arises next is why does this generation have no Elijahs or Elishas? I understand there have always been a bunch of wolves in sheep’s clothing but is there not even one genuine person left? Surely that isn’t the case! Why doesn’t God move so closely with his people anymore? Something is keeping him away. Are we reaching the days of Noah once again?

These so called Christian ministers have slaughtered the purpose of the gospel. The gospel was meant to be a ray of hope for all humans, a light in the dark, a source of peace in a restless, unsettled world, a source of comfort for the poor. Instead these men have turned it into merchandise. All I can see preachers do now is preach fancy prosperity messages or write fancy gospel songs and record these in humongous sets at expensive studios, wearing lavish apparel so that they can mint money via YouTube. So much money goes into shooting a single song and then they get it all back twofold via YouTube. To be honest this is all I can see at present.

What ministry are these people doing by appearing in such ostentatious attire and sets? When a new year begins they do the same stating these are promise songs for the upcoming days. My goodness, there are people on the streets of India who don’t have enough money to feed their kids 3 decent meals a day, who are living off scraps and wearing rags and these preachers are ministering on YouTube in their exorbitant getup. They’re ministering to the people who have enough money to afford a TV or mobile phone to watch their shameless display of wealth! Wow, what a ministry. I’m stunned! Not to forget these preachers have amassed so much wealth through generous public donations, that their children fly in business or first class, live in expensive homes and drive around in expensive cars shooting vlogs, paving the way to amass even more wealth through YouTube.

Are the poor being served? Are the fatherless comforted? Does this offer hope to the broken soul? What purpose is being served through all these shows? All this is highly disappointing. Like seriously if my kids watch all this will they ever become like Christ? The whole Christian kingdom has become a hoax. Far worse is the fact that people who read the Bible day in and day out still support these kinds of false ministries and preachers.

I really don’t know what to say or how to even end this post. This is a random vent at 5 AM. But please be reminded that this comes from a person who has endured immense pain for 38 years and all these ministers, despite being so close, did nothing to alleviate my misery. I suffered in silence. The least we can do is try to follow the Bible sincerely and serve our society and community in whatever way possible so that the gospel isn’t treated like merchandise, and truly serves the purpose for which it was handed down to our generation.

People stop following the masses! I remember a few months ago one of my husband’s friend’s wife from church spoke to me, highly recommending a preacher and speaking about him like he was some demigod. I truly got pissed off at that point. I follow no one except the Bible. I have never showed allegiance to any preacher or minister or ministry. I live by my beliefs and no one can coax me into believing any preacher or minister, not even my husband. And here was this lady asking me to watch this preacher’s program on TV. A preacher, who a couple of years back was being lashed out at on social media, for his arrogant statement against people during a natural calamity. My biological egg donor is a huge fan of this preacher and that speaks volumes about who he really is. He is the latest sensation now among all the preachers. I don’t know when people will wake up and see the light of day!

Hypocrites will have their due when Christ returns. All we can do is lead our children on the right path and teach them right from wrong and hope that one day they will do the same with their kids. Humans can always cheat other humans but they cannot cheat God. Our children need to know this. They need to fear God who sees what the human eye cannot and understand the consequences of disobeying Him and living a life of hypocrisy. We cannot see a change in the way they live their lives unless we instill these principles at a very young age.

May there be integrity in Christianity!