Love Dance

Lights gently dim,
Air becomes cold,
Lascivious feelings,
Grow intense and bold.

Pearly eyes gaze,
Bodies embrace,
Hands consume silhouette,
Kisses smear face.

Soft lips lock tight,
Tongues dance divine,
Caressed all over,
Mere souls entwine

Erotic intentions,
Leading astray,
Ardently making out,
Rapturous foreplay.

Dresses undone,
Skin brushing skin,
No nook untouched,
Ecstatic within.

Rigorous stirring,
Fluttering sheets
Hugging au naturel,
Pleasurely feats.

Cold all around,
Warm underneath,
Fingers enlace,
Like bands of a wreath.

Heavy breathing,
Odours are whiffed,
Flirtatious talks,
Hormones adrift.

Running fingers,
O’er bodily curves,
Hills and vales,
Arouse every nerve.

Kneading breasts,
Nipples grow taut,
Hairy chest stroked,
Sexy and hot.

Rigid, long penis,
Voluptuously felt,
Explorative touches,
Inhibitions melt.

The duo rollicks,
Hips rub and sway,
Braided thighs,
A sensual buffet.

Oozing nectars,
Lingerie drenched,
Peeled off swiftly,
Erection entrenched.

Tenderly humping,
Elevates intimacy,
Moaning blithely,
Melodious ecstacy,

Towering excitement,
Escalating emotions,
Fervidly mating,
In sensual devotion.

Thrusting deeply,
Sensations explode,
Nimbly persisting,
Orgasm bestowed.

Throbbing penis,
Vagina contracts,
Liquid concoction,
Blissful contact.

Yearningly survey,
Sweet kisses plant,
Vulnerably lying,
Love yous, chant.

Muscles relax,
Rousings subside,
Spooning together,
Eternal love fortified.

Societal Woes

Society seems to have a problem with everything I do. If I’m quiet, that’s a problem, if I speak out again, that’s a problem. If I’m fat, it has a problem, if I’m thin, even that’s not okay. If I’m single, that’s not right, if I get married to someone I like, even more issues. If I don’t have any kids, I’m barren, if I have 10, I’m a senseless goose. There’s not been a single time that society has shut up and minded it’s own business.

Recently a few folks have had an issue with the stuff I’ve been putting up on my blog about MY personal life and MY family, that they’ve called Tom, Dick and Harry to talk about it. Dude, stop reading my blog if you don’t like it. It’s as simple as that! Which part of that is hard for you to understand? Stop telling folks I have a mental health issue, when you don’t even have a clue about what I’ve been through. If you don’t like me or can’t tolerate me get the hell off my contacts list. I don’t need ignorant snobs. If you had moral values you’d have said all this stuff to my face, not contact my relatives. What a cheap thing to do!

Just because you keep calling my relatives, and keep threatening them that I should immediately stop writing my stories publicly, you ain’t going to stop me. I’m here to live my life, not do your bidding. I will definitely bring out the truth of what I’ve been through and NO ONE can stop me. Do you know why these blogs are in place in public? Because when I tried to raise my issues privately among close family members I was asked to shut up, while my abuser was encouraged. I had to deal with my abuse for years before I could finally escape. It was God’s mercy that He made a way for me to escape. I had kept quiet for 38 years. I had made a fool of myself in the end. Friends told me something was not right and all family did was snub my cry for help. Now that I’m liberated I refuse to stay quiet!

10 years ago I remember begging my relatives and society members to do something so I could get married like a normal woman. In return I got bullshit. There were hardly one or two families who actually made an effort. Where were you then? Where were you when I struggled for 38 long years with a devil in my home and lost my entire childhood to a selfish, self-centred, inhumane creature? Where were you when my mental health was seriously in trouble? Did you pay for any treatments? You weren’t there at all then. Then why are you so bothered about my mental health now? Just because I’m blogging about my dark past, doesn’t mean I’m granting you an invitation into my present life.

I’ll always be glad for turning out to be a rebel. That’s what landed me out of my hell. Had I been quiet, silently submitting to societies expectations, my life would have been no different from my dad’s, who silently underwent so much agony for 37 years and died before his time. So all you people who make up the society have no valuable part to play in my story. You chose to be a spectator and are welcome to remain so. Don’t try to hush me. That’s not gonna happen. I’m not here to paint pretty lies. I have always spoken the truth whether in private or in public and that’s how I will always be. I’m not a fan of photoshopping or filters. I hope you get my point. My life wasn’t a fairy tale and I don’t plan to make it sound like one either.

You can carry on and spread rumours about me, comment whatever the hell you want on my mental health, it doesn’t change a thing. The people who know me really KNOW me. If you had any ethics you would ping me directly to discuss things but clearly you don’t and are a coward. Feel free to continue your rumors.

Am so glad I owe only God all my thanks and no human. Without making a single contribution, people have the nerves to talk so much behind my back, had they actually contributed something substantial, they might have made my life a living hell. Glad God didn’t leave me at anyone’s mercy. God knew best. 🙏🏼

So abuse victims, please don’t give a damn about what the society has to say about you or your story. They never truly cared and they won’t hereafter either. Everyone’s around for a little drama and entertainment. Let them be. You have every right to share your story and bring to light what people did to you behind closed doors. We will heal in whatever manner we decide is best for us to heal and that’s not other people’s business. Society is always eager to build up on the one incorrect thing we might have done out of the million good stuff we keep dishing out. So they’re gonna keep yapping no matter what we do. Let them carry on. Let’s start living for ourselves. We will fight for justice with all we’ve got. If we’re answerable to anyone, it’s God. And the good news is, God is completely against any form of abuse. So if people are genuinely following God they’d fight for truth and justice and stop enabling abuse. They’d sympathise with the victim and hold the abuser accountable. Anyone who does not do these need not be on your acquaintance list. It’s a waste of time dealing with such folks!

10 Years of Blogging

Believe it or not, it’s been 10 years since I started blogging. I started this blog in 2012 at the advice of my colleague and because I was at such a low point in my life and needed some place to vent out my feelings. I had never planned to do it long-term nor did I know I had it in me to continue this for so long.

This has become a passion now. No matter how busy I am, I always find a way to write a blog post and publish it. What a joy to read my earlier posts and look back through the eyes of my younger self. They say a picture paints a thousand words, but a thousand words can take your emotions and feelings to a different time and place.

What a journey life has been in the last 10 years. I started blogging when I was single and worried. Worried if I’d ever get married. I had lost all hope. But now, not only am I married but I’m also a mother to beautiful children. In life, God has fulfilled two of my deepest desires. Happy to blog from a better situation.

These 10 years have changed my understanding of the world, my understanding of people, and has taught me how God has been the only One having my back all these years. I am really indebted to God for where I am at now. He has been the lifter up of my head.

I do believe writing is a gift. One whose value cannot be expressed in words. I would encourage everyone to write something, to leave behind something useful for the upcoming generation. Afterall we are here to pass on the mantle to our future generations. Leaving them with knowledge is wealth. Many say they will write and leave something behind for their kids, but very rarely have I come across someone who has kept their words. They are busy or lazy and by the time they think about doing something, their kids are already grown up and leaving the nest. Life goes by very fast. Before we know it, it’s time for us to leave our earthly life.

If you plan to write you have to do it now. Even a paragraph per day is a good start. But let your kids have something to go back to and read and experience the world through different eyes. They will enjoy it. I’ve done a lot of blog posts on writing and have also shared a lot of tips on how to write well, so I don’t want to make this post repetitive and boring.

To make this post different I want to share one of the best topics I’ve written on and one the of the worst things I’ve had to write about. So the best thing I’ve ever written about so far on my blog has been about holidays and trips I’ve made. Those have been the best posts to go back to and reminiscence on. They literally feel like I’m reliving the entire journey. The worst thing I’ve had to write about is something all who follow my blog will know about without a doubt. It’s the deep, dark and desperate life I lived throughout my childhood, teenage and early adult years, while I was raised by the claws of an evil narcissist. I had physical parents but mentally, emotionally and physically I was an orphan. It has taken a huge toll on me to come to terms with my past. But writing has helped ease my pain. Just to have my story out in the open and to have everyone know the truth was therapeutic.

I must vouch for how writing helps heal. It helped me heal, overcome, put so many things behind me. It was a channel for me to vent my frustrations, which would have made me collapse had I bottled it inside. So if any of you are going through a difficult time, I encourage to write. It truly helps ease your inner being.

So I finish this blog thanking God for His mercies and His faithfulness. I would be nowhere today without his help. Today I am somewhere and God is solely responsible. Leaving you with another favourite verse from the Bible which has been so true in my life. Stay blessed!

Psalm 27:9,10 KJV

Hide not thy face far from me; put not thy servant away in anger: thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation.

When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.

Thank you, Daddy! Letters to Daddy – 4

Today we are enjoying the fruits of your labour. We miss you. Your home is void without you. Miss hearing your sound that always said “enna dee” as soon as your eyes met mine. My heart will always long to hear it again. Although you are not around to watch your grandkids enjoy the jackfruit from your home, I’m sure you’ll look down from heaven and smile contently. Can’t believe how fast times have changed. Once upon a time it was you, me and Bruno who filled the home with love and laughter. Today neither you nor Bruno are there. There’s a sadness that cannot be expressed. Now it’s the noise of my kids that filled your home and yet it couldn’t make up for my longing to have you there again. Hope you’re peaceful daddy. Love and miss you tonnes.

Jackfruit from my father’s home.

Childhood Incidents – 2

All my life I had been told that I was possessed by an evil spirit. Imagine hearing this from your mother when you are 4, 5, 6 and so on for the rest of your life. That’s how my life went on till I turned 38. It left me bewildered. When you keep hearing these things from a very small age, you start accepting it as the truth, until you learn the reality for yourself at a much later date and time.

An excerpt from an article online on narcissitic mothers.

I’ve put up an excerpt from an article online https://wehavekids.com/family-relationships/Reasons-for-Adult-Children-Cutting-Ties-with-Their-Toxic-Mothers-Differ-Drastically-Based-on-who-You-Ask?fbclid=IwAR3Aity-b-46WkFXt-xkyxJAssmtRBzsb45AhmFPg9wH9QkoWtsBanqMObs that I was reading about narcissitic mothers. This is exactly what my narcissist did. To everyone she spoke, she would say that I have an evil spirit’s influence or she would say that I have mental health issues. Everyone believed it and they still do.

The incident I’m narrating here must have happened when I was in grade 4 or 5. The narcissist kept telling everyone that my mood is always bad, I keep throwing tantrums and spoil the peace in our home. Her take was that an evil spirit had taken possession of me. Since she kept saying this my well meaning thatha (grandpa) spoke to some of his relatives down in our native and they told him that they know a psychiatrist that could help. So then came the day that the wicked witch took me to my relatives home in Tuticorin. She must have narrated her false version of many incidents (for they all seemed to agree that I needed professional help and yet no one identified the issue in her). So I was taken to see the psychiatrist. This was very, very long ago, so I don’t remember what happened inside the psychiatrist’s office, but I was prescribed some pills.

l am dumbstruck as to how a woman could take her own child to a psychiatrist and falsely state that something is wrong and allow the child to be prescribed medications. According to her I didn’t need medicines, I needed someone who could take the evil spirit out of me. She couldn’t find someone who could for 38 years. Rather, I tossed out the only evil in my life after 38 years, once my daddy died. Since my thatha told her to take me to the psychiatrist and it was a good chance for her to put me down, she did it happily.

In my relative’s home, I started taking the medication. After taking the first dose, we had to take the bus and travel from Tuticorin to the lady’s village, which is about 4 hours journey. The bus was jam packed. There were no seats to sit. The medicines made me extremely drowsy. I kept calling to her as I felt dizzy saying “Mother, I feel like fainting, could you please ask someone if they could offer me a seat to sit?” She coldly turned back and said to me, ask them yourself and looked infront. I remember begging one lady and she refused to give me a place to sit despite telling her that I didn’t feel very well. This woman never turned behind again. When I tried to call her she just got angry and ignored me. I’ll never forget that wrath filled face. I couldn’t hold myself any longer and so I fainted and fell to the floor of the bus, while everyone looked at me. This woman yanked my hand and pulled me up mercilessly, but I couldn’t get up so I stayed on the floor. I just remember being dragged all the way from the bus stop to her home. She came home and threw off all the medications saying you have a devil and you don’t need any of these. It was my dad’s hand earned money so what did she care?

Till date she doesn’t give a damn about what my dad worked so hard for.

If this was how she behaved with me, how much more did my dad endure? We will never know! May all her evil deeds hunt her and haunt her down and never give her soul a single moment’s rest. May God give her a double portion of what she so generously served others!